The Presence of a Father

Today is Father's Day. For most of my life, this holiday was very uncomfortable to me.  I was a bit sad that I didn't have a dad to celebrate.  However, as children, we celebrated my mother on Mother's Day & Father's Day. She definitely deserved an extra holiday. As a single mom, she raised three kids on her own. As a mother of 3 myself, I can only imagine how difficult it was without the presence of a father. Witnessing how hard she worked to be both a mother & a father made me even more grateful to my children's father for the man that he is.

Jax & Pop Spring 2008

When I met my husband, I was a single mom. Jax had just turned 4 years old. One of the few perks of being a single mom is that you get to see a glimpse of a father before choosing to spend your life with him. My husband, a modest & reserved man, was kind and loving with my son.  He was a natural. Bike rides, hikes, reading a story at bedtime--Jax didn't even have to ask.  I was able to get to know him better and witness his character in the way that he treated my child--now our child.  This is one of the many reasons I love him!

Fast forward five years and add two children.  This daddy is knee-deep in the craziness of parenting. Suiting up to take on sleepless nights, sick children, teething babies, toddler tantrums, hard questions and all of the difficult parts of parenting is where he shines. These are the battles that separate the men from the boys.

Daddy staying overnight with Eden hospitalized with flu

Like most men, he enjoys the challenge in his work. One of the tragedies that he sees in his profession is the absence of a father.  We both know how that feels & how difficult it is for a child to grow up without what Freud deemed childhood's strongest need--"the need for a father's protection." I value his awareness of this need and the way that he exemplifies it in our family & his commitment to serve and protect in his profession.

The need for good fathers in our society is evident.  In my life, the presence of a good father is one of life's sweetest blessing.  For a girl who grew up without a father, I treasure my husband's existence, I lift him up in his parenting--even if it's not like mine.  I praise him for the ordinary--because even if it's something regular fathers do, it is extraordinary to me.

Because my husband is a great father, I can be a good mother.  While we each have roles that we take on in our family, he shares the responsibility of parenting equally.  It's beautiful watching him teach and lead our children.  He gives wise instruction and models servanthood.  He doesn't take his responsibility as the leader of our family lightly.

His work ethic is admirable--never complaining when he is called in early or his schedule changes with little notice.  He steps up to the plate.  At home, he often survives on little sleep so that he doesn't miss out on precious time with his family & can help out when I need him.  While he's a terrific father--he's not perfect...

He likes to talk politics with our son and watch silly parodies and other ridiculous videos on youtube, when he knows that it drives me crazy. He encourages the kids to tease me and act silly and...

I sometimes find him laying down on the job & he is easily convinced to giving in and letting daddy's little girl get what she wants...

And sometimes he struggles with sharing our son (every other weekend) because he misses Jax being away.  (I can relate.)  He understands that having a blended family is hard--and not ideal--but that doesn't stop him from loving all of our children equally and fully.

He is the best father for our family & we love him, faults and all.  

Happy Father's Day to my husband and all of the fathers out there who are present, imperfect parents.  Father's make an impact on their children (and can change the world).

Anything Worth Doing is Hard

[originally posted March 1, 2013 on another blog platform]

Today I had a good hard cry in the lactation room while pumping and scarfing down a microwave enchilada that I dug out of my floorboard. The cry was brought on not by sadness, but rather the sheer emotional exhaustion I feel lately from juggling a return to my career, children, marriage, running a nonprofit organization, and maintaining a semblance of a social life.

Each part of my life just takes work. I'm not "nailing it" in any area-which proves to be a bit draining in itself. However, after my release I feel a sense of clarity and peace brought on by the assertion that I'm getting through all if it.

I feel like one of the most apparent lessons in my life right now is learning how to embrace the middle/muddle.  Middle meaning the journey in between the start and the outcome. Muddle because that's how I'm getting through. Often it's not graceful in a world of change and uncertainty. You just have to keep taking one step at a time. Sometimes you move forward and sometime you go backwards. Frankly, sometimes it's just good to pause and think for a minute.

In a world where powering through is rewarded (on the other side of the challenge), muddling is awkward. It takes humility. It teaches us to rely on others for guidance. It helps us to be okay with not knowing all of the answers and allows us to recognize and value those who do know some of them.

I know several friend who are muddling right now. Whether its parenting, trying to get caught up financially, transitioning between one community to another, salvaging a troubled relationship, suffering with health issues, grieving a loved one, working through career challenges, we all must muddle through. It's not going to be graceful everyday, but every day is another day of progress. Don't rush through. Don't be fearful.

I am grateful that I can cling to the Promise that God is here through the mess and through the glory. He will get me through the hard stuff--on His strength.

As I wrap up my lunch break I find it ironic that I forgot to turn my nursing cover around. I'm tempted to walk out with my cape on and take on the world.  But instead, I think I'll avoid awkward this time & just rely on my Savior to carry me through the day.